Mavis's Matchmaking Service
by labrat-434
Summary: This is my insaneness put together with Kurogane, Clone Syaoran, Fai, and not-clone Syaoran. I take requests. There is shameless self insertion, swearing, and homosexuality. If you don't like it... don't click.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. If I did, it would not make sense, and Sakura would have a more epic name, like Tanyolositlopie.

"HEEEYYY! SETOOOOO!" Mavis yells.

"What now?" Seto replied grumpily.

"I started a matchmaking service!" Mavis yells gleefully.

"Dear god, now I need to save everybody. RUN! DON'T LET HER GET YOU!" Seto yells.

"Too late! I already have four victims, I mean, matches." Mavis snickered, a dark aura surrounding her.

"I feel sorry for the poor souls. Who are they?" Seto questioned.

"Cosplayer number 1, Cosplayer number 2 "Kuro-somethingsomething" And "Fly". Or "Fine" or … WHATEVER!" Mavis yelled offhandedly. "Let's bring them in!"

"Wait, why are they coming to your house?" Seto was greatly disturbed by now.

"My house, no. I am taking them to the giant studio where they take their first test." Mavis said, the dark aura getting creepier.

"Eep." Was all Seto could squeak out after seeing the "contestants".

Fai, Kurogane, Xiao Lang, and Syaoran appeared, looking very confused.

"YOU ARE LATE, STUPID COSPLAYERS!" Mavis yelled, suddenly growing twenty feet tall and pointy teeth. _The poor, poor, souls. _Seto thought.

"Are they really Cosplayers?" Asks Seto, looking slightly disturbed.

"No, I dragged them out of a separate dimension, drugged them, and tied them up." Mavis said as if she did that everyday. Thinking about it, she probably did…

"So they aren't just Cosplayers?"

"No, probably not. But I'll just assume! `Cuz Assuming is awesome!"

And thus Mavis's Matchmaking show was born.

Just so people know, Mavis and Seto are NOT from Tsubasa, I just felt like adding them, rather than having Sakura or anyone play a role.


	2. Chapter 2: The creatively named chapter

DISCLAIMER OF DOOM!

Oh, the wonders of copyright! Technically, I don't even own the story because it contains characters from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, so by default it belongs to whoever wrote the Manga in the first place? AND GUESS WHAT! I'm not him\her\it. HA! And Geico is owned by that lizard with the British accent!

Warning! Serious Kurogane burning and midget jokes.

: End Disclaimer:

"Last we checked Mavis was doing a nice, deathly, I mean, friendly, matchmaking service. Let's Recap." Said the short announcer, threatened by gunpoint.

"Fai, Kurogane, Xiao Lang, and Syaoran appeared. They aren't Cosplayers! Mavis dragged them out of a separate dimension. Mavis is insane! Why do I have-"He was cut off abruptly by being thrown out the window.

"That's enough! I don't think I need anymore recapping." Said Mavis happily.

"So how does this "Matchmaking" thing work?" asks Seto curiously?

"Simple. They have to try to not die." Said Mavis, still grinning as if she had just said that everyone was going to get some candy.

"What the hell?" Seto was not so much angry as surprised.

"Yup!" Mavis was smiling evilly now. "AND NOW! YOU! KURO-LIMABEAN! YOU SHALL BE MY FIRST HOSTAGE! COME HERE!" Shouted as if she were the supreme dictator of the world. Which would explain why were in a recession. But not why all the fire hydrants aren't some random color. Like Bright-neon-orange-with-grass-green-stripes.

"NO WAY CRAZY WOMAN!" Kurogane yelled and started walking for the door… little did he know…

"WE ARE ON A VOLCANOE!" yelled Mavis!

"MAVIS! HOW THE HECK DID YOU GROW A VOLCANOE IN SAN FRANCISCO?" yelled Alice, who had somehow appeared out of nowhere because she wanted to be in this story too.

"Well who woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" pouted Mavis. "Anyway! NOW FOR THE MAIN ATTRACTION OF THE DAY! THE WEB-OF-MAVIS-OVER-A-PIT-OF-BOILING-LAVA!"

"After this quick announcement." Squeaked the midget that Mavis threw out the window.

"Gah! I never said come back! I never said this was a game show! I never said that I was sponsored by Geico! Aaah!" Mavis proceeded to throw the midget out the window.

"That's one way to get rid of him…" said Alice hesitantly.

"Nah, I just want mister Kuro-watermelon to be very afraid of my strength." Said Mavis.

"Watermelon? You're almost as bad as this guy!" Kurogane shouted, pointing at Fai.

"You silly, silly boy." Mavis said condescendingly, surprising seeing as how she was almost half his height and looked as if he could rip her limb from limb and not think anything of it. "Let's have a competition. Frying-pan fight, or would you prefer arm wrestling?" Mavis still looked perfectly happy. Kurogane seemed to be taken aback by Mavis's bluntness.

"I'll do whatever you choose." He said, not wanting to kill her.

"Which would be more comical, Alice?"

"Arm wrestling." Alice responded.

"OKAY!" yelled Mavis, pulling a giant rock slab out of nowhere. "Lets begin! I hope the slab doesn't break!"

"Win." Said Seto calmly to Mavis and Mavis nodded gravely.

"I'll try my best, but I don't know… he looks stronger than that monkey man…" Mavis gave her a comical military salute that ended up in her falling over and walked over on her hands to Kurogane by the giant rock.

"Ahem. I must say, you look stronger than that monkey-man." said Mavis politely.

"Just get on with this, I don't have all day." responded Kurogane. He put his arm on the table, which happened to be a giant rock, about four inches thick.

"Alright, but, last chance, won't you just get on the web?" said Mavis, almost pleadingly.

"No."

"Alright!" said Mavis. She took Kurogane's arm, and, in about two seconds had cracked the rock all the way through and broke the floor. "I WIIINNN! YAAAYYY! I WIN! I WIN! I WIN! HAHAHAHAHA!" Mavis promptly started running around the room as if she had just done something important.

Kurogane started to walk away, but just as he was going to open the door, Mavis zipped over and locked it. Then, strangely, she walked to the center of the room. She raised her arms as if she was praying, and, for all anyone knows about Mavis, she could have been trying to summon giant paper monkeys from the sky.

"NOW!" she called out, and the ground started to crack under her.

"Um… Mavis? I don't think that's a good idea, there's lava under the room…" said Alice.

"That, my dear friend, is the point!" Mavis said, clearly unconcerned that the floor was starting to collapse underneath her. Seto was just standing there, kind of in shock that Mavis just broke Kurogane's arm. And from the fact that both of the Syaorans were standing in front of her, arguing about something that she frankly didn't care about, because they were arguing _in front of her._ The floor collapsed. Mavis pulled some pocky out of her pocket and started to munch on it as she fell. She took some yarn out of her pocket and started making a web until she used all 14 miles of multicolored yarn. She promptly tied the end of the yarn to a fork and stuck it into an electrical socket. "AND NOW FOR MAVIS'S-WEB-OF-DOOM-OVER-A-GIANT-BOILING-PIT-OF-LAVA-WITH-THE-STRING-BEING-ELECTROCUTED-WITH-KURO-POTATO-IN-IT! LET THE MATCH-MAKING BEGIN!" screamed Mavis at the top of her lungs, which made everyone plug their ears. Mavis somehow managed to tie Kurogane up and throw him into the middle of the web while he did this.

: Start Author's note :

Like my epic line breaks? they are the only ones that don't get deleted.

You said you wanted longer chapters, not plot advancement, VixenSetosTsubasa. And I am running out of ideas, already, pathetically. GIMMEGIMME! Otherwise, I'm very sorry to say, but plot bunnies will invade and possibly the death of a character *cough Think about that. Cough* will occur. You never know what those damned plot bunnies will come up with. *pulls sword out of nowhere and starts slaying plot bunnies*


	3. MAHAHA! THE EPICNESS!

Disclaimer of Funny Smelling Things!

And so there was anarchy caused by a story that was missing a disclaimer. If you think I own Tsubasa, you are very mistaken, for I cannot think of such awesome things. Heck, look at this story! DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I COULD COME UP WITH SUCH A COMPLICATED PLOT?

Warning: The word "shitless" is used multiple times.

: End Disclaimer of Funny Smelling Things:

"What the hell?" yelled Kurogane.

"No, this isn't hell, it's just a volcano!" responded Mavis calmly, navigating the web as if she were merely walking down a nice, slightly funny smelling garden path.

"Mavis! You're gonna die! You're gonna kill Kurogane, and then die!" yelled Alice. "I'd bet my freedom on it!"

"I'll take up the bet!" said the ever optimistic acting Fai. Seto just glared at everyone because somehow Syaoran and clone Syaoran had disappeared from the room, leaving Alice and herself in a giant box, like they were watching a football game from the 1st class box. The studio had also suddenly arranged itself into a giant arena, complete with ninja warriors and everything.

"Now! Fai! You must save Kuro-Gaga from the ninjas, and if you just kill them, I will set the electricity on for fourteen seconds per kill. About five kills and Kuro-Will. will be dead~." Mavis smiled as if she had just announced that everyone was getting double-shot café mocha and a puppy.

"What the heck? I'll just use my magic!" declared Fai.

"That would be great, Fly, but magic results in instant death. SO! Just run! Meanwhile, I will be cutting the yarn and making Kuro-Monkey-face fall closer to the lava!" Mavis proceeded to pull a freakishly large saw from her back pocket. "This really is simple to figure out, Fig! If you just keep running from the ninjas, you probably won't die! And then all you need to do is find the button that shuts the lava off! Yes, there is a button, and I made it myself, of course it'll work!" Mavis declared, holding up a giant button that says "that was easy" on it. She then threw it into the lava, only for it to suddenly stop and start floating away. "HEY! STEVE! I TOLD YOU TO STOP SHOWING UP, YOU'RE ALMOST AS BAD AS THAT MIDGIT-THAT-STILL-HASN'T-APPEARED-YET-TODAY, I WONDER WHAT'S UP WITH HIM!" called Mavis. "Okay, Flimmina-fummina, now if you don't get the button, we're all in danger! Because if Steve pushes the button, Syaoran will die of an extremely painful seizure, and his clone will turn into a zombie and kill Kuro-cellular phone!" screamed Mavis, seeming even happier than before because of this strange course of events.

"How will that kill all of us?" asked Alice quietly.

"IF YOU EVEN TOUCHSYAORAN, MAVIS, I WILL KILL EVERY PERSON IN THIS ROOM! WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A FUNCTION ON A BUTTON LIKE THAT ANYWAY?" screamed Seto furiously.

"Oh, that's how." Alice muttered to herself, thinking furiously that Mavis should have known better. _Unless this was all planned out by her anyway? I wouldn't put it past her… _but nobody really cared what she said, because Mavis had joined in on the chase, running around with a huge sword that was easily fifteen feet long screaming "If you don't give me that button so I can destroy it, Steve, I will have to kill you, even if you are an awesome-shape-shifting-unicorn!"

/Meanwhile, where Syaoran went off to\

"Xiao what the heck happened?" asked a slightly scared Syaoran. There was no response. "Xiao, this isn't funny!" shouted Syaoran, a little more nervously.

"I am the dark lord of the ninny-muggings!" yelled Xiao Lang, or what probably was supposed to be Xiao Lang, but instead looked like a very twisted version of the aforementioned, except crossed with Mavis and a crocodile.

"What the heck?" exclaimed a very shocked, but still clean mouthed Syaoran.

"I am all that will be, all that is! This technically makes me nothing. But you can just call me Bob." Yelled the newly dubbed "Bob".

"Where am I?" asked Syaoran tentatively.

"Oh, how cliché! You ask such silly questions! Do you want some frozen yogurt?" asked 'Bob' with a pedophilic smile.

"Um… no thanks, I'm not supposed to accept food from strangers… And you still didn't answer my question as to where I am…"

"Ah, well, I will tell you! You, my dear, stupid friend, are in a world…" 'Bob' was abruptly cut off by a gunshot. 'Bob" was shot down, friendliness and pedophile-ness and all. Needless to say, Syaoran was scared shitless. Then he was scared even more shitless, because Mavis walked in, bazooka in hand.

"Hello, fellow creepy person lost in a separate dimension that I just created! You will be helping me perfect its deadliness so I can put you and Cosplayer number 2 in and watch you die horrible, painful deaths!" Mavis, or was it Mavis, smiled happily, but there was a creepy look to it, as if every time he was scared shitless she got another cookie. As if on cue, Mavis-or-was-it-really-Mavis got a cookie.

"Onwards we go~!" called Mavis-or-was-it-Mavis-he-was-really-getting-confused.

"Who are you again?" asked Syaoran hesitantly.

"I am the Supreme Dictator of Everything!" The Mavis-that-was-apparently-a-supreme-dictator yelled. "But you can just call me 'Milord'!"

_This is going to be a long, long trip… _thought Syaoran. Little did he know that even his thoughts were being watched.

/Meanwhile again, where everyone else but Syaoran and Xiao Lang was\

"I caught you Steve!" yelled Mavis triumphantly. She then took the button from the seemingly invisible unicorn. Fai, out of breath, started gasping for breath, about to collapse. But, of course, as the saying goes, "_No rest for the weary!_" and Mavis proceeded to chuck the button into the giant pit of lava and turned on the electricity, even though Fai hadn't used magic or killed the ninjas, who incidentally, had been chasing Steve too. Steve, tired of being ignored, cut the vital string and Kurogane started to fall to his death. While being electrocuted. Fai, in an amazing burst of speed and stamina, caught and pressed the button.

"Dang!" yelled Mavis, and everyone stared at her. "I was hoping for a character death!" she shouted gleefully. "Now there hasn't been one yet!" the tone of her voice didn't seem to reflect what she was saying. "So now we have to watch what Syaoran is doing right now on camera!" _ Oh, so __**that**__ is what she's so happy about… _thought Alice.

And so the studio started to repair itself, and the volcano disappeared. A giant flat screen television that was easily a mile across appeared out of Mavis's pocket, much like the giant saw. Except this was much more a fantastic feat.

||Okay, I just have to add, this is completely random, but it happens because I can.||

And so everyone starts watching Syaoran on television, and everyone but Seto laughs at the pedophile crock-Mavis-Xiao.

/Again, while everyone laughs at his Pedo encounter, Syaoran is running for his dear life.\

"AHHHHH! OH MY FREAKING GOD! AHHHHHHH!" screamed Syaoran.

"Honestly, could you be more of a wimp?" questioned Mavis.

"My life is in danger! Even you are running! Who is a wimp?" yelled Syaoran.

"Well, the reason I'm running is because _you ran first!_" hissed Mavis irritably. Yes, this is Mavis, but Syaoran doesn't know, and Mavis quite liked being called 'Milord'. By anyone, actually, she didn't have a thing for Syaoran. 'Milord' and 'Hero' were her two favorite things to be called. 'Annoying' was, as well, a very good title.

"I'm running because a bloodthirsty beast tried to kill me!" responded Syaoran.

"It was a giant Burger King mascot! There was nothing to fear!" complained Mavis.

"Whatever it was, it tried to kill me!" yelled Syaoran, near tears. Abruptly, Mavis stopped running.

"Honestly, if you were that scared you could have just hidden! I'm a hero after all! I would have protected you!" Mavis called out. She seemed kind of disappointed.

"Uhm… I'm sorry…" said Syaoran awkwardly, trying to figure out what was going on. At those words, instead of becoming happier, Mavis started to cry. _How can she look so pathetic? _Wonders Syaoran_. She has a bazooka, for goodness sakes! How does that work out?_ He decided to walk over and give Mavis an awkward pat on the back. "There, there… I didn't mean to crush your ego…" Mavis suddenly exploded, leaving two Mavis in her place.

"I'm a hero!" exclaimed one, while the other one exclaimed "I am Supreme Dictator of the World! Kiss my feet!"

_Oh dear god, this cannot be happening to me! Now I have two ego's to worry about crushing? Why? Why does this always happen to me?_

/Back in the studio\

"Oh. My. God. We are all doomed." declared Alice.

"Speaking of doom, you owe me your freedom." Said Fai to Alice.

"Wh- bu- er- eh- what?" spluttered Alice.

::Begin Author's note::

I am so evil~! Three Mavis and now Alice is a slave with no rights! AND! I want to know! What do you think works to count Mavis? Three Mavis? Three Mavis's? Three Mavis'? VOTE NOW!


	4. Alice's side quest ch1

The Disclaimer of many Disclaimed Disclaims!

I don't own anything except this story. Sue me and I will give you a lint ball, because that's all I have right now.

Note: this chapter will have no plot advancement (not that there is a plot) because MisFox requested this and I have no free time to write something hooked with this, so whatever. Request something when I'm not in a Romano-prone-week. INDEED!

And the many *cough only one vote really? Cough* votes are in, and Mavis is counted "one Mavis, two Mavis' three Mavis' four Mavis' etc."

:: End Ze Disclaimer:

Let's try to remember what happened last time. Mavis is now three Mavis', Syaoran is scared shitless, Xiao Lang is yet to be found, and Seto is fiercely protective of the two "Cosplayers" that happen to be Syaoran. Oh, and Alice, by demand, is now Fai's slave. All in all, it has been a normal day.

: End recap:

"What the heck?" was pretty much a collective cry from the petty five person audience watching as Mavis suddenly became three Mavis'. _Two Mavis' were enough, now there's a third one? That is horrible!_

But nobody had much time to worry about poor Syaoran except Seto, who is always thinking about him and his clone and whatever anyway.

"ALICE! YOU HAVE A ROLE NOW TOO! YOU HAVE TO CAUSE A CHARACTER DEATH! WHY? LOOK AT MY CELLPHONE! I GOT A TEXT FROM A MAVIS THAT IS HIGHER UP IN THE UNIVERSE TO MAKE YOU KILL SOMEONE! AND I WANT A CHARACTER DEATH ANYWAY, THIS IS JUST CONVINENT!" yelled Mavis, quite happy that there would be a character death.

"Wha- bu- eeh- why- why do I have to do it! Do I have to?" asked Alice.

"YES!" caroused Fai and Mavis.

"Bu- wha! FAI!" yelled Alice indignantly.

"If I disagreed, Mavis would kill me." said Fai.

"True! Very true! Mwahahahahahaha" Mavis was cut off when she suddenly fell over, twitched, and died.

"That was annoying." Said Seto. "But anyway, I will explain the details of this. You kill Syaoran, you die. You kill Xiao Lang, you die."

"And if you touch me, shorty, you die." Added Kurogane.

_Who can I kill? w_ondered Alice. _Let's think. Kill Kurogane=dead. Kill any Syaoran=dead. Kill Fai=?_ She looked over at Fai.

"You can't kill me or yourself." said Fai cheerfully.

"Is Mokona an option?" asked Alice hopefully.

"If you can travel to different dimensions yourself, then yes, you may." Said Mavis cheerfully.

"Then who can I kill?" wailed Alice.

"Mavis." Said Mavis.

"Wait! When did you get alive again? And what do you mean that I can kill you? The entire army can't kill you, what makes you think I can?" said Alice.

"Oh, no, not me, Mavis! The other Mavis'! Which to kill, the Hero Complex, or the Royalty Complex? Said Mavis, ignoring the other questions. "The one you don't kill will help you, too! Because I _really_ want a character death!"

"Uhm… I will kill-" Alice was flustered at being asked to kill someone, and it being an alternate self of one of the friends wasn't helping. "Um- Hero! Wait, no Royalty!"

"Alright! She's gonna kill the hero!" yelled Mavis, apparently to Steve, the 'Awesome Shapeshifting Unicorn That Was a Fairy Right Now'

"Wait! No!" yelled Alice, but it was too late.

"Oh, and you have to wear a cat outfit, too!" said Fai, clearly not paying attention to Alice's unhappiness, and shoved a cat outfit into her arms, then gesturing to the changing room.

"When did there get to be a changing room?" asked Alice.

"Since I made one." Said Mavis.

"I hate you." Said Alice bitterly as she walked toward the changing room.

::Epic line break that won't be cut out::

Well… MisFox said my Fai was less perverted than VixenSetosTsubasa's, so things happened in my mind that shouldn't have been there.


	5. Mavis is kidnapped & Xiao Lang dies

I disclaim even my disclaimer!

I disclaim my disclaimer so my disclaims can be disclaimed by something I disclaimed.

I just wanted to make a nice story, and look how it turns out? Insane. Completely bonkers. Why did Mavis even make this deadly game show disguised as a matchmaking service? You know, even I'M not sure anymore. Oh, and I changed the counting system for Mavis, because Microsoft Word (which I also don't own) hates my counting system.

:: Disclaimed Disclaimer:

Ok. So. Syaoran was in a different dimension with two Mavis and everyone else was in the studio. Which surprisingly, nobody has asked much about. I mean, it's a giant warehouse in San Francisco, what more do you need to know, right? But anyhow. _Wait .What happened to Xiao Lang? _I mean, Seto cares, so let's do a nice long section to make her feel scared of Mavis's power.

End Author's ramble that is only somewhat relevant!

/Where ever Xiao Lang is\

|OW. MY HEAD. IT FREAKING HURTS. WAIT, WHY IS EVERYTHING I SAY IN ALL CAPITALS NEAR THE BOTTOM OF MY VISION?| Xiao Lang was confused, as he had woken up in a video game that is well, Mavis-y. Soon enough a Mavis appeared.

|Hi! I'm Mavis#1! I will be your temporary guide until I try to kill you!| said the new Mavis. Suddenly a screen appeared at the bottom of Xiao Lang's vision again. |Talk Kill Run| Xiao Lang thought it would be rude to kill the new Mavis, although she was very blunt about wanting to kill him. And running would do no good, knowing Mavis. So he chose to talk to her.

|Your logic sucks.| said Mavis, and suddenly Xiao Lang's vision went dark and he saw in a very stupid, curly font "Game Over". There was creepy laughing in the background, and he was getting creeped out. Ok, screw that, he was creeped out. Wait, now the laughing was oddly pleasant… _Oh god I'm going insane! Let me out!_ He thought.

/Back in the studio\

"Damnit Mavis, I order you to let me in and help him! Look at him; he doesn't know what to do! I'd even be a damn assist character! Even though those are just goddamn stupid!" yelled Seto, getting angrier and angrier by the second.

"I, like, totally told you that, I can't, like, just shove you into, like, the CD slot, Seto! Like, just totally take a chill-pill." Said Mavis.

"Oh dear god, Mavis, don't talk like that! It's not like you and it is freaking annoying!" said Alice, who incidentally was still here and in a cat outfit.

"You can, like, totally just, like, go to kill Hero-complex! Like, bye bye!" said Mavis-who-might-have-some-creepy-disorder-causing-her-to-talk-stupidly as she shoved her and Fai (for some reason) through a door that instantly disappeared as soon as she closed it. "Like, now that that is, like, totally out of the way, let's, like, have a party!" exclaimed Mavis.

"This isn't Mavis." Said Seto suddenly.

"What?" Kurogane asked, "She… or it… looks just like Mavis!"

"I know, but I just told Mavis to die and it didn't die. Thus, it isn't Mavis. Or it is a new part of Mavis that only appears when Jupiter intersects with Pluto on the 14th of May." said Seto.

"AND THAT IS YOUR NEW CHALLENGE! FIND MAVIS BEFORE THIS OTHER… THING… KILLS YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-SQUEAK!" came Mavis's voice from nowhere.

"Ok, it isn't a new part of Mavis that only appears when Jupiter intersects with Pluto on the 14th of May." Said Seto.

"How do we find Mavis?" asked Kurogane.

"It's kind of like find Waldo. You run around and..." Seto was cut off when Mavis started yelling again.

"GO THROUGH THE DOOR OR- HEY! NO- STOP- HEY! THAT'S- HEY- YOU- YOU- YOU- HEY- I WAS GOING TO SAY- HEY!" Mavis started yelling as if she were being attacked.

"Good day, filthy carbon based life-forms!" said a scathing voice. "Now, I'm sure you idiots are wanting your game show host/slave back, if not it's going to die. So, here," there was a snap and a giant door appeared. Then Seto and Kurogane were sucked into yet another dimension.

: The end of teaser trailer:

Well, I had to. Jedidiah has appeared, and Mavis is now busy being kidnapped. Oh, and Xiao Lang is temporarily dead until he figures out that there is a |Continue? Yes No| screen. I know you are going to kill me for this VixenSetosTsubasa, so I have to start working on the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6: not my best

Disclaimer that is now written in a fancy font that nobody will be able to tell it is written in anyway!

Actually, I like this font. I'm going to continue writing in it, even though nobody cares!

So! As for the disclaimer! I own Jedidiah (or at least the one I made up) and **Timothey** (again, the one I made up). I don't own Cat-woman or whatever her name is from Batman and I don't own Tsubasa. Ha.

/End of fancily fonted Disclaimer! \

And so Alice was rudely shoved by Mavis (who wasn't Mavis, but she left before everyone found out) through a door.

"Hey! Lemme outta here!" She banged on the door, only for it to vanish, leaving only Fai in its place. "Why me?" she wailed. "I hate you for that stupid bet." She whirled around to face Fai, who was laughing like mad. "What?" she yelled.

"You- you- you look like a cat-girl!" he spluttered. She looked down at herself and realized that she was, instead of looking like a cat, was dressed up like Cat-woman or whatever her name was from Batman. _This could get interesting…_

/Back with Xiao Lang\

_It's all just a dream, just a dream, just a dream, just a dream… _Thought Xiao Lang, rocking back and forth slowly. _I'll wake up any moment now, any moment now, any moment now…_

/End of Xiao Lang's pathetic little world. I think he shall go so insane he turns sane! It's like a loop. Saneinsane is what normal people do. I go SaneInsaneSane. It's a never ending loop! \

"Go to hell." Said Alice, clearly disgusted with the new outfit she was wearing.

"But if I go to hell, you're coming with me, willing or not!" said Fai over happily. _Sadist._ Though Alice.

"**Oh, you're here, here, here!" **exclaimed a voice.

"Wait, what? Who are you, and I didn't know there was an echo here!" yelled Alice. Sure enough, there was no echo.

"**I am Timothey, Timothey, Timothey!"** yelled "**Timothey**" (yes, his name is bolded, deal with it).

"What the heck?" asked Fai, not getting the gravity of the situation.

"Run." Said Alice. "**Timothey** wants to kill me, and I doubt he'll stop with you."

"**Silly female-human-if-you-are-a-human, human, human. I won't kill you for now, because we both have a common goal, goal, goal." **Said the ever echoing voice.

"What?" asked Fai, clearly amused.

"**Killing Mavis, Mavis, Mavis!" **shouted **Timothey.**

"What?" yelled Alice nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about! RIGHT FAI?" she turned and glared at Fai.

"Hm? But we are killing Mavis, right?" said Fai in a somewhat innocent tone. (Although anyone could tell there was a dark undertone, except Alice, who was oblivious to Fai's wrongdoings.

"**Exactly, exactly, exactly! I shall show myself in a rare show of trust, trust, trust!"** yelled **Timothey. **Then Mavis showed up. "**I am Timothey and don't ever forget it, okay, okay, okay!" **the Mavis that was **Timothey** yelled.

_Great! Just great! Just what I needed! __**Timothey**__ is here now too!_ Thought Alice, outraged at her luck. She blamed it on Mavis.

/In case you were wondering how Mavis was\

"HEY JEDIDIAH! CAN I CALL YOU JED?" yelled Mavis; apparently unaware she could talk in anything quieter than a yell.

"No." said Jedidiah, apparently cursing himself for kidnapping the loudest one.

"OK! HEY JED! I'M HUNGRY! WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?" *BEEP* "OW! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT KILLS PEOPLE, JED? WHY?" *SOB* *LOUD FLASHY EXPLOSION* "OH, HEY EMITIONAL MAVIS! HOW ARE YOU? SAD? AH! I CAN'T BE SAD!" *ANOTHER EXPLOSION* "Oh, hello Normal and Emotional Mavis! I'm Bi-polar Mavis. SO SHUT THE HELL UP!

/And this is how Jedidiah is. Don't you feel sad for him? Hmmm... Mavis count! Hero, Royalty, Mavis, Emotional, Bi-polar… ugh. I don't want to keep track. Now back to Seto and Kurogane in their… whatever you would call it.\

"This is your fault." said Seto to Kurogane.

"What? I didn't do anything!" yelled Kurogane. "I hardly talked to her! And she broke my arm!" he yelled, flailing his arms, apparently unaware that Seto had fixed it about an hour ago.

"I blame Jedidiah!" yelled a Mavis.

"Which one are you?" asked Seto.

"I am Anime Mavis!" yelled Anime Mavis with a bright yellow flashy background.

"Oh, Damnit. I was hoping for Quiet Mavis." muttered Seto.

"You mean… you don't like me?" asked Anime Mavis, tears suddenly bursting from her eyes and turning into an emotional mess. "I- I was even gonna help you find Xiao Lang!" sobbed Anime Mavis.

"Of course I like you _now!_ Lead on!" yelled Seto.

"Yay!" yelled Anime Mavis. "Oh, and since anime Mavis is a mouthful, you can just call me Anime."

"What the hell?" yelled Kurogane, apparently unaware that their quest to help Jedidiah, I mean, rescue Mavis, was suddenly put on hold.

"First we rescue Mavis!" yelled Anime. "She's the one with the key!"

"Ok.' said Seto. "MAVIS! GET RESCUED!" she yelled, impatient.

"I'm afraid that won't work! This calls for a heroic res-…" Anime was cut off by four Mavis appearing. "Res... cue... never mind..." and Anime Mavis disappeared with a loud, flashy, animated explosion.

"You took too long." Said Seto angrily. "Anime finished one and a half sentences. That is five too many."

"Sorry! We were arguing about who you called!" sobbed Emotional Mavis. "P-please don't hurt me!"

"Suck it up, freak." Scowled Bi-polar Mavis.

"Don't cry! I can't stand it when I cry, it's embarrassing!" yelled Mavis, and promptly kicked Emotional Mavis until she disintegrated into a puddle of water. Kurogane looked incredulously at the scene before him. Mavis had hit Mavis until Mavis disintegrated? _Damn, I need to learn that kick. _Thought Kurogane. _Maybe I can disintegrate all the Mavis until I can escape!_

And so The Bi-polar Mavis was named Tawios and everyone was on their way.

"Wait. Where are we going? I thought only you had the key!" yelled Seto. "I want to save Xiao Lang NOW!"

"Oh... I thought we could find Fai and Alice and be a nice big happy group again..." pouted Mavis.

"It won' be happy unless the Syaorans are here." scowled Seto. Mavis pouted.

"Fine. Let's find the other Syaoran first. He's around here somewhere..." Mavis looked like she was thinking. "If the blue bunny has a pickle and then chucks a lima bean at a monkey, how far would the crocodile run?" she muttered.

"She's muttering nonsense." Kurogane informed Seto.

"Yes, I am aware of that. That is how she thinks." Said Seto, seeming bored by this whole thing now.

"She thinks?" said Kurogane, looking slightly shocked.

"This way!" yelled Mavis, and zoomed off, only to wind up behind them, Syaoran-less. "OH, Damnit, we'll have to walk now." Said Mavis, and trudged off in an inhumanly fast pace, which to her was probably like trying to run through the deep end of a pool of molasses.

/fin! \

/Naw. Just kidding. Here's Syaoran and Hero/Royalty Mavis.\

"I said, kiss my feet. It wasn't a request. It was a command." Said Royalty Mavis.

"Aww, come off it, shorty." Indeed, Hero Mavis was taller than Royalty Mavis.

"I'm not short!" shouted an indignant Royalty complex.

"Sure, Shorty." Said Hero.

"Well, your teeth are unnaturally shiny! Freak!" yelled "Shorty".

"You know, that isn't really an insult." Said "Freak". Syaoran was confused. He wanted to go home and curl up on a bed he could remember and talk to Sakura. But Mavis had decided against that. Not that he was unhappy to see Fai, Kurogane, and Xiao Lang again. But still. The two were bickering still, and he decided to cut in.

"Shorty, you're ugly and I don't like you. Freak, you're stupid and you will never be a hero. Good bye." He turned to leave. _Oh god they're gonna kill me._ And then the Burger King Mascot caught up. And epic duel ensued, but Syaoran was too busy fainting to notice.

:: End Story. Well... this chapter anyway. ::

Okay. I admit. This wasn't my best chapter. Whatever, I'm not having a great day.


	7. Chapter 7: epic short chapter you skip!

Spazzmataz and his pet leopard Spazzy. List of Mavis: Normal Mavis; Hero Mavis; Royalty Mavis; Emotional Mavis; Bi-polar Mavis (also Tawios); Anime Mavis; Not-Mavis Mavis; croc-Mavis-Xiao Lang; Timothey Mavis; Jedidiah Mavis. I think that's all. Do I own Tsubasa? Think. Harder. Ask yourself and tell me. Note to VixenSetosTsubasa: DO NOT READ THIS BECAUSE YOU WILL KILL ME AT SCHOOL! IT IS JUST XIAO LANG HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN, NOTHING MORE! Mumminahimminahummina

/Xiao Lang has been successfully made insane. Sort of\

_Help_... thought Xiao Lang. _I'm gonna die. Someone, even __**Mavis**__! Help!_ And so promptly a Mavis appeared.

"You like red, right?" said the Mavis who seemed to be a dude instead of a dudette. "I am Maxis."

"Um, If you help me out of here, sure! I love red! Red. Red, red, red! Hahahahahahaha!" said Xiao Lang, having a slight emotional breakdown.

"Let's paint the entire world red together, then, Xiao Lang!" snickered Maxis, who happened to be the sadistic Mavis.

"Oh... okay then..." said Xiao Lang. _How did he know my name? Wait... this guy is creepy. What does he mean by "paint the world red."? _He thought.

"Don't think, it's no use~!" smirked Maxis, and with that, he just stopped thinking.

/I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead I died I'm dead.\

*Have you wondered what happened to Jedidiah Mavis? I mean all the other Mavis came to Seto, what happened with Jedidiah? Does anyone want to know? NO? What if I told you it was extremely plot related? Still no? I hate you. You hate me. Let's team up and FIND OUT WHAT JED IS DOING! Still no? BAH! YOU WILL FIND OUT ANYWAY!*

Jedidiah was pacing. "Well, this was not how I planned. I would have thought Anime would have put a plot in there _somehow_. But no. They just had to ignore her. And that pisses me off to no end. RAW. ANIME! GET IN HERE!" Jedidiah Monologues. Both Anime and Sadist came in, Anime with a flashy explosion, Sadist with a gust of cold air.

"I was talking to Sadist here and he pinched meee! Make him not be happy about it!" whined Anime.

"Но она раздражает меня.*" Complained Sadist.

"Stop being racist." Said Jedidiah. "Not all Russians act like you. You're just a crazy incarnation of Mavis's sadistic-ness. That's why we try to kill them all."

"Я не перестану говорить на русском языке." said Sadist.

"You will. Nobody understands you." said Anime.

"Nobody asked you to talk." said Jedidiah, smiling happily. The knife that suddenly appeared in his hand wasn't so happy though.

"Ah, I don't want her to die, yet, so I will stop talking in Russian, Уважаемые аниме. ***"

: End short chapter:

I had to try to add a plot. But now the plot is no longer relevant to the Anime. Черт подери. But oh well. Less than 400 words in this chapter. And now stuff is getting out of order. ебена мать!

I had to do this, so here's the translation. I'm writing in Cryllic, so don't try to use this in school. Seriously. AH-BACKWARDS "N"-ME! IS NOT HOW YOU SAY аниме.

*But she was annoying me.

**I won't stop talking in Russian.

***Dear Anime.


	8. NOT A CHAPTER, BUT A LIST! HA! HAHA! HA!

On the subject of Mavis

I am now listing a bunch of Mavis and what they look\act like... If they have other names than "insert adjective here Mavis" then that will be listed too. And just because they haven't appeared yet doesn't mean they don't have a name, that's just...

I am also, because I am awesome, adding two more characters to be killed/have more character death. Am I putting them here? No. And apparently one is already married HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET ONTO A MATCHMAKING SERVICE WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED? Wait... that means three more characters... GAH! *DIES A HORRIBLE AND PAINFUL DEATH BECAUSE OF USING BRAIN PAST 12% LIMIT DURING WEEKEND*

THIS CHAPTER WILL BE UPDATED WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT BECAUSE I'M AWESOME AND HAVE TO STATR WORKING ON THE NEXT CHAPTER!

_**NOW! FOR THE FIRST ONE~!**_

Mavis: the original-

Gender: Female

Physical Description: Tallish, blonde, with blue eyes

Notes: Escaped from Government Secret service, but if asked by Government agent, (which she can immediately tell) the story changes, often to "I just got out of an Insane Asylum!"

Name: Mavis

_**Divider**_

Sadist Mavis

Gender: Male

Physical Description: Tall, short blonde hair, purple eyes.

Notes: He is often found abusing Anime Mavis, who may be a masochist. Why else would any sane person hang out with him? Bilingual, English, Russian.

Name: Benedikt. Yes, I just came up with that.

_**Divider**_

Anime Mavis:

Gender: Female

Physical description: Tall, idealsed like a Manga character with abnormally large blue eyes.

Notes: Thought to be a masochist. Often appears with a large explosion, and hangs out with Sadist Mavis.

Name: Akiko. Yes, I'm using a random name generator for these.

_**DIVIDER**_

Jedidiah Mavis

Gender: Male

Physical Description: Tallish, dark blonde hair, black eyes, (or they are always dilated).

Note: A manipulative freak of nature. Can maintain a cheerful aura while stabbing you in the heart, as if giving you a candy bar.

Name: Jedidiah (also Jed).

_**Divider**_

**Timothey** Mavis

Gender: undetermined

Physical Description: Looks just like Mavis, much to its disliking.

Notes: Do not mix **Timothey** up with Mavis. Also, **Timothey **wants to kill Alice.

Name: **Timothey**

_**Divider**_

Anti Mavis

Gender: Female

Physical Description: Short with purple hair and orange eyes.

Notes: Enjoys tea and making everyone uncomfortable. And disagreeing with everything. So if someone says "Do you like ice cream?" and two people say "Yes" and "No" she will just oppose both opinions.

Name: Anti

_**Divider**_

Ninja Mavis

Gender: well... is "Ninja" a gender?

Physical Traits: unknown. Assumed to look like a Mavis in some way, but the only known fact is that it gas eyes and fourish limbs.

Notes: Is rarely seen, but when you do, you're dead unless you perform an ancient ritual where you sacrifice a specially trained ninja fly to the god of Mangoez.

Name: WAKAHA! Or, at least that's the only way it responds to the question.

_**Divider**_

Leaf Mavis

Gender: Androgynous

Physical traits: Is often green due to chlorophyll.

Notes: Can burst out on nowhere as long as there is a leaf.

Name: WHOOSHAAH!

_**Divider**_

Shrub Mavis

Gender: Female

Physical traits: looks and acts normal

Notes: Wherever there is a Shrub Mavis, there will be shrubs following her. Apparently friends with WHOOSHA!

Name: KABAM!

_**Divider**_

No Mavis

Gender: Whatever you don't want it to be.

Physical traits: Looks just opposite to Anti. Orange hair, purple eyes, extremely tall.

Notes: Appears just to scorn Anti. The two are enemies and friends, whichever doesn't suit you.

Name: NO!

**_Divider_**

Overly Dramatic Mavis****

Gender: Androgynous. You have to be to be in MAVIS Theatre!

Physical Traits: Often wears a mask. Actually, screw that, always wears a mask.

Notes: NEVER hand it any type of script.

Name: Schnidoodle-pop


	9. Chapter 9: NAMMINAHIMINAHUMINA

If I have to write one more disclaimer for you people to get it, I will shoot you.

HA! SCREW THAT I WILL ANYWAY!

You: What?

BECAUSE I CAN! HA~ HAHAHAHA-SQUEAK! *BAM YOU ARE SHOT* NOW I DON'T HAVE TO WRITE A STORY!

You: I'm not dead though...

Dammit! FINE! I own Tsubasa! Ha! SUE ME! GET A NICE DUSTY LINT BALL! SEE IF I CARE! Seriously. Don't. I don't own this. I probably don't even own this idea, dammit! I'm just a lump of copyrighted stuff!

:I SHALL SHUT UP BEFORE I AM SUED! :

"WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA! When did I get here? RAWR! It must have been my comma-splicing-brother!" yelled a random girl who apparently had a "comma-splicing-brother".

"Hey, who's she?"

"How would I know?"

"You should."

"What? You wanna fight?"

"NO!"

"ANTI!"

"Objection!"

"Overruled!"

"Sustained!"

"Subject!"

"Noun!"

"Verb!"

"This is anarchy!"

"No, stupid, its tyranny!"

"It's neither! It's Sparta!" yells the random girl. "Who are you anyway?"

"No!" yells the girl with orange hair and purple eyes.

"Anti!" yells the other guy with purple hair and orange eyes.

"Those are your names? They're stupid!"

"No, they're not!"

"Yeah, they are, No! Peh! You're stupid!"

"Yeah? Well... you're stupider-est!"

_God, save my soul. This is worse than Mavis!_ Thought the strange new girl, for there was a Mavis where she came from, too. "I'm Aislynn the resident Necromancer of Naminnawakinaguh (pronounced: nom-in-a-wack-in-a-guh). Currently allied with-"

"Nobody gives a damn about you!" yelled Anti suddenly, just to be disagreeable.

"What the hell?" yelled No. "Peh! Anybody gives Adam!"

"Apple!"

"Wall-e!"

"What the-"

"Shut up!" yelled Aislynn. "Lead me to the King of your effing land or I will smite you just like God in the First Testament!"

"You won't want to meet Jerry though..." said No sadly.

"Yeah, she does fracking (frack is used as a cuss word substitute in Ireland/Scotland/England/United fracking Kingdom and whatnot.) Idiot!" exclaimed Anti stubbornly.

"Is there someone else I can talk to?" said Aislynn, a little like she was talking to three year olds.

_**No. **_yelled an overseeing force.

"What the hell? WAKA WAKA WAKA! I'm talking to you now!" yelled Aislynn.

_**No, you are not, for I deny your reality.**_ Yelled the voice.

"GAH!" yelled Anti.

"It's-" yelled No.

"Jerry!" completed Anti.

gabbalalala~~~

I should write a disclaimer chapter. Then there would be no more disclaimers...


	10. Chapter 10:

You must deal with this not having a disclaimer chapter for a little longer. Because, you see, I lost the FIVE FREAKING PAGE ESSAY that I had. *mumble murder mumble*

(::()::)

There was a happy-ful field of daisies and butterflies, very happy and gay, in both meanings. There was a huge explosion (of air) and a group of people appeared.

"BUT! I WAS! AND THEN! AND NOW!" spluttered Alice almost incoherently.

"Hyuu~ look a butterfly!" said Fai as he pranced off happily. Seto glared at Mavis unhappily. Mavis, oblivious as she acts, stared a conversation in Mavisian conversation with a butterfly. Kurogane glared at everyone, because the field was so... happy. And gay.

"We have to go to school tomorrow!" declared Mavis. A collective cry of "No!" was heard from everyone, except Kurogane, who implemented some colorful language as well.

"B- bu- but! You didn't even- you didn't even try!" blubbered Emotional Mavis.

"What? I thought I killed you!" yelled Mavis as she abused her other-self.

"You never expect the Mavisian Inquisition!" yelled Inquisition Mavis

"No! I refuse! Yells No Mavis.

"Bologna!" yells Anti-Mavis.

"Spit wad!"

"Suspended!"

"On what grounds?"

"These!"

"I refuse!"

"Troll!"

"Llama!"

"School!" yelled Mavis again. "We have to register for school!" and with that she disappeared, probably off to go to school.

"Draw ye` weapons and walk the plank, ye` land-lubbers!" yelled Pirate Mavis, "We have to get to this 'school' so hoist the sails!"

"Hyuu~ I think I'll try this 'school' thing! It is another way to harass Alice~! Said Fai happily.

"Hell no!" yelled Kurogane, "I'm leaving!" and with that, he was knocked out, gagged, tied up, and shoved onto a pirate ship in the middle of a field. Because that made sense.

"Sailing, sailing~ sailing the ocean blue~!" sung the Pirate Mavis, which TOTALLY made sense, because they were in the middle of a FIELD OF FLOWERS THAT WAS NOT BLUE AT ALL. Even ALICE didn't comment on this.

/Meanwhile/

"Maxis~ I have come for you~!" sung an Anime style girl as she approached Maxis.

"When will you get it through your thick, cartoony skull that I hate you?" asked Maxis with a sigh.

"Find a happy place, find a happy place..." murmured Syaoran almost inaudibly.

"Why is THAT here anyway?" asked Jedidiah scornfully. "It isn't even a Mavis."

"Da, but he is so fun to mutilate~!" said Maxis sadistically.

"Disturbing." Noted Jedidiah. "Alright, point taken."

"SEE! He, s a twisted, scary- ow! Don't hit me with that!" yelled Anime loudly. "Stop that! Myneh!"

"Ah? But you're even more fun to hurt than he is!" said Maxis. There was a huge explosion.

"Hey, Jed! How's the plot going?" asked Mavis.

"Not good." Said Jedidiah sadly. "It hardly has a pulse."

"Aww... I was worried you would let Maxis kill it- hey! He- hey- stop- hey!" Mavis threw her hands up to stop the angered Maxis' baseball bat from hitting her head. "I SAID no! Bad Maxis!" and with that, Mavis knocked Maxis out. "Now that that's settled, Syaoran, I want you to get up and come with me~!" said Mavis with a demonic aura. Syaoran promptly fainted. "That works too~!"

/Back again/

"Syaoran, what happened to you? Mavis! How dare you leave him with Maxis for so long?" Seto exclaimed angrily. Although Mavis heard 'Syaoran anger surprise happy he's back anger directed towards me.'

"Meh, he's going back after the school is over, so enjoy while you can~!" she said happily.

"What? NO!"

"Yes."

"NO!"

"School~!"

"_NO!"_

_/sob/ _

_my essay... my poor disclaimer essay... _Oh, and **so-rry** If this wasn't long enough. Just remember I have to finish all my homework before I get to go on the computer_, and I have to be off by 8:00. In other words, _**DEAL WITH IT, MILDLY ANNOYING PEOPLE!**_  
_


	11. Chapter 11

"HELLOO~~~! Seriously, there is no way that we can have been walking four hours and the scenery has not changed." Aislynn was extremely annoyed that nobody had talked to her, so she had summoned an undead monkey (DON'T ASK WHY!) to accompany her along the way. When she heard screaming, she ran heroically- who am I kidding? She continued walking as if she never heard anything. Well... Yeah.

SO! As Aislynn was happily walking down the very empty land that was extremely flat, there suddenly was a giant wall. Like seriously, you blink, and it's there! RIGHT IN YOUR FACE! Kind of like a Platypus. Except more epic, because _it's a wall. _And then Mavis popped down from the wall, the wall disappeared, and Mavis dragged Aislynn by the nose into a portal and shoved her into Kurogane. Kurogane immediately took his sword out and tried to slice anything that moved, because, apparently, that's what Ninjas do. Mavis left because, apparently, there were MORE people to be found.

/Mavis/

SO! I'm like... walking-ish, when I see some person, also walking. SO! I grabbed it and shoved it into Kuro-PC and left, cuz, obviously, there need to be LOTS of fun people in school! Cuz otherwise school is BORING! And then it'd be NOT FUN! And we can't have that. SO! I like saying SO! AND~! I go and find some person, who was surprised to see me~! YAY~! And! I kidnap her and go running around, because her boyfriend or whatnot was yelling, and he was having FUN TOO~! Like Kuro-pie when he spits profanity! BECAUSE~ HE'S~ HAPPY~!

SO I finally got bored, mainly because the guy I was running with fell over and almost stopped breathing, which is NOT good. AND~! I shoved them through a door into Kuro-MAC because he LIKES it when I do that! He spits more profanity~!

And so, I'm walking more! And I find a room! This is fun, because PEOPLE live in rooms! And I sat on the ceiling and waited. For a human. And one came~! JUST FOR ME~! I laughed! It looked up at me and blinked! So I was extremely happy because it acknowledged my presence! And I jumped off the ceiling and started talking to it! It was a her. And I offered to take it to school, and she said "Sure, I have nothing better to do!" so I brought her to my AWESOME world.

/Normal POV/

"THIS!" declared Mavis "Is... What's your name?"

"You didn't even ask her name before dragging her into your insanity?" spluttered Alice.

"FETCH~!" called Fai as he threw a candle. Alice zoomed off to find the candle, because it smelled good.

"I'm Aero." Says Aero. Upon seeing Kurogane, she decided to run over and hug him.

"Get- this- damn- THING offa me!" yelled Kurogane.

"AWW! Kuro-Microsoft doesn't like her?" yelled Mavis.

"I'm KUROGANE, dammit!"

"But you're too NICE to be a Kuro-Word!"

; Fin for nao:

I FOUND MY DISCLAIMER CHAPTER IN MY MATH FOLDER! YAY FOR BINDERPAPER! Tee hee, is your character sufficient, Aero?

Longer chapters will come later, I PROMISE~~~!

Lol, fail, this was almost 3 pages on Microsoft word...


	12. Chapter 12: in which there is a test

After about four hours of torture, pirate ships, and five lollipops later, the group of people (Mavis the Pirate aka tour guide, Mavis the Mavis, Aero, Alice, Seto, Tsubaki and her friend, Chris, Cosplayers 1 and 2, Fai, and Kurogane in case you forgot.) finally arrived at the school office. The office, however, was locked during the hours in which anybody actually WANTED to be inside it. That is just how Mavis Universe works. Kurogane was annoyed, Fai was Fai, no explanation needed there, Mavis was doing her epic 'I am thinking extremely hard about something that is completely irrelevant' face, Seto was almost as annoyed as Kurogane, but that is just because she is capable of being happy whilst Kurogane probably isn't, Aero was poking Kurogane, Alice was sniffing a candle, no not a drug, get your mind outta the gutter, and the Syaorans were looking extremely nervous, one because Mavis is in the same room, the other because he's in the same room as a bunch of whack jobs. Randomly, a student who was conveniently Russian and late for school arrived. Mavis gasped, yelled something random and pointed at the poor student.

"YOU! RANDOM CIVILIAN! YOU ARE RUSSIAN, CAN YOU PICK THIS LOCK?" bellowed Mavis, who apparently forgot that she was in front of a school. The random student looked confused for a moment, and then smiled. The smile was cold and basically said 'I am going to kill you after scaring you shitless multiple times and abusing you until you are hanging onto sanity by a thread'

"I cannot pick the lock, but I can break the door." the now dubbed not-so-poor random Russian student commented.

"Tally ho, then!"

The Russian student hit the door with his fist and walked away as the door hit the poor old janitor.

"Alright…" said the school administrator. "There are… four guys, five girls, and two Mavis." The administrator handed Kurogane, Chris, Pirate Mavis, Syaoran and Syaoran guy uniforms (because apparently this Mavis school had uniforms) that consisted of a red and green striped tie, a button up orange shirt with a blue sweater vest and purple pants with yellow trim. In other words, the colors clashed horribly. (Hey, did you know these colors are the complimentary colors on the color wheel? Hey make each other seem even more bright and obnoxious~!)

The administrator then handed Fai, Aero, Alice, Seto, and Tsubaki the female uniforms.

"Ehrm… I'm a guy…" commented Fai hesitantly.

"Sure you are, honey. We don't accept cross-dressers." Was the comment he got from the Mavisian administrator.

The uniform was terrifying, according to Tsubaki. Reason being: there was a tiny caterpillar design on the collar.

The girls' uniform was a blue and orange plaid skirt with a yellow and purple striped blouse. Of course, this was mostly covered by a red sweater vest with green polka dots. Again, the uniform was… interesting…

"Now, take this placement test, don't worry, it should be _simple_!" exclaims a student aide.

"Why don't _**I**_ get a uniform?" whined Mavis.

"Because you're stupid and I don't like you." Responded the Student aide. "Now go sit in a corner."

~Once in the testing room~

What is the capital of Pikachu?

Yes

False

Potatoe

Aardvark

"What the hell kind of test is this?" bellows Kurogane.

"It's obviously a Mavis test, now sit down and blowing my eardrums out." Scoffs Seto.

"Kirby, I summon you to help me with this test!"

"What was that?" inquires Alice, pointing to the intercom.

"The same person that said this! Waka waka waka!"

"It be a ghost, ye stupid landlubber." Grunted Pirate mavis in the most reassuring way a pirate mavis can, which isn't all that reassuring.

"Err… Thank you?" Alice spoke up again.

"Hyuu~! Look, Kuro-puu, don't I look fancy in this skirt?"

"You look gay. Start being more manly." Growls Kurogane.

"That's what she said~!" blares the intercom. Kurogane, annoyed by these random outbursts, drew his sword and sliced the intercom. Aero, seeming to notice him again, walked over and started poking him while chanting, "You can't hit a girl~! You can't hit a girl~! You can't hit a girl~!"

"He killed the intercom!" Yells Tsubaki, momentarily forgetting the caterpillars. Everyone ignored her. Except Chris, who went over and tried to comfort her.

"He killed the intercom!" yells Mavis as she explodes in through a wall.

"What the hell are you trying to accomplish with all this shit?" yells Kurogane. "I must be the only sane person here! Nobody else comments when she just explodes in here? Nobody questions how she DRAGGED us all from separate dimensions? Hell, look! There are two people who nobody knows, and Mavis didn't even try to explain who they are! They're just THERE!"

"Really, Kuro-not-happy-face, you yell too much." Comments Mavis. "And the questions you ask are fit for an advanced philosophy class. Anyway, I'm supposed to tell you that, because I know you best, I will be your counselor! That's why I'm not participating in any of your classes! Oh, and you have thirty seconds to finish your test. BUH BYE!" and with that last comment, Mavis slammed the door shut.

~Thirty seconds later~

"You… all… failed the test. How do you fail the test? Look, it's all simple! Look!

What is the capital of Pikachu?

a) Yes

b) False

c) Potatoe

d) Aardvark

That's obviously a… How do you not get that?" What are your excuses?"

"Err... I'm French!" exclaims Fai.

"I'm not from here." Grumbles Kurogane. The student aide nodded, noting that the other guys were mute or a pirate and Pirates don't take tests.

"Well, girls, what's your excuse?"

"Err… meep?" squeaks Alice.

"I am not the one who failed, for I answered only the top secret answers that only super secret ninja mavis masters can answer, so YOU my friend are the one who failed." Seto smirked and sat down.

"I… I answered all of them!" yells Aislynn.

"Eh?" questions the student aide.

"See? I did!" Aislynn points to the random circles on the paper. The student aide looked, then said

"I'll… admit you anyway… because you are part of the storyline, somehow… and therefore I think you might be important… ish." Stutters the poor student aide.

:End for now:

OKAY, LOOK PEOPLE, there's 1040 words here not including this long rant at the bottom. I did my best, and I was shadowing at private high-schools, so I couldn't work, and it was FREAKING BUSY! I had NO time at all to work, and I typed half of this while people were yelling non-stop at me. I HAD NO CONTROL OVER THE DAMNED TIME PERIOD THIS TOOK. plus my typing is already like, 1 word per minute, longer for anything over 7 letters, and I can't spell cinnamon or minute, and my computer kept arguing that when I typed "atchoo" I meant "taco" . so spell-check was being bad and my life was worse. and now I have to go to freaking DISNEY LAND without any electronics. DEAL WITH IT. Sorry, long angry rant off my fingers, anyway... did you know Georgia is both an American state and a European Country? *self important smile, as if I just said the most philosophical and important life discovery ever*


	13. Chapter 13: the fail chapter

Aright! So, many fails at things today! First off! Fail attempted budding romance. The last time I checked romance has two ends: one! Girl confesses feelings. is dumped. Two! Boy gets hurt in some mortal/fatal way, confesses to girl accepts/reciprocates love, boy gets better, uses girl in his evil plot to destroy/rule/kill all the criminals in the world.

Oh, and thanks to my lovely friend VixenSetosTsubasa, I now actually have names for the Syaorans other than That Syaoran and The other Syaoran. The 'Real' Syaoran is Li Syaoran; the 'Clone' Syaoran is Ri Syaoran. Will their names be used? Maybe… probably not by Mavis. And for the sake of faster typing, I'll be referring to them as Li or Ri. And calling one Syaoran and not the other hurts my brain. And as I have never finished the story, I just assume the original is slightly happier and wimpier. After all, from most of the fan fics I've read, the clone tops. -.- If you think my characters are OOC, two things. 1) Why the hell are you so far in the story? It's not as if I'm keepin` you here… 2) Piss off.

: Let the story begin:

As the student aide Mavis hand out their schedules, there was much havoc and Mavis had to hide under the new desk she had somehow gotten in the counselors room. (When had everyone gotten there? Oh, well, ah... YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW! YOU'RE JUST THE PERSON READING THIS!)

"Why am I not in all Syaorans classes with him? He'll need me to explain how to live!"

"And Fai is my master; I have to be with him!"

Mavis grimaced, as she predicted this anyway. "Aero? You have any complaints? `Cuz I'm not open later."

"Nah, I have Kuro-whatshisface in "How to be happy". I think I can humiliate him enough then!"

"I'm not complaining!" Alice and Seto remarked simultaneously.

"Really? That's nice. Mhm. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, your appointment is over g'bye!" and with that, Mavis shoved everyone out the door with a map of the school. Needless to say, everyone was confused.

"Well... The map says that this class is W-8 1/2 every other Thursday... So... Today is Tuesday, which means that... We all have the same class first period, right?" Chris questioned, showing the general public that he was not mute.

"So you just go there and you'll find someone to follow!" yelled Mavis poking her head out of the door. "I'm not supposed to talk to you, though, because Jedidiah (had you forgotten about him? Ho ho! Ho! Now I'm Santa, but I refuse to be your hat. [Obscure Internet reference]) Says that I 'reduce' plot development..."

"Blithering bumble bees! My iPod hath turned British!" exclaimed the door. Or, the class behind the door. Either way, it was true.

"This is our first class? I had low expectations, but this is the frosting on the whirlwind- oh god I'm thinking like them! Ah!" Kurogane became extremely depressed because he was contaminated by Mavis.

"It's alright Kuro-orange. We all will eventually have to convert." comforts a slightly normal looking person. "Either way, unless this door is here for a reason, you should go through It." and with that, the student karate kicked through the door (because there are so many talented students that are Mavis) and disappeared.

"But... Wouldn't we OPEN the door?" mumbles Alice, who is frequently ignored by everyone (even Fai) except Pirate Mavis (who might get a NAME if I feel like it.).

"No, wha' gave ye' that idea?" grunts Pirate Mavis.

"The... Door... Don't doors open?" questions Alice.

"Saves space." replies Pirate Mavis. "Go through a door, ye' got one class. Open the door, ye' got another one."

"Well... That would make sense~!" comments the ever happy Fai.

"Shut up with your stupid gay happiness." growls Kurogane.

"I think you're just jealous~!" giggles Fai. The eight people walked through the door and were met by a class full of the randomest people you would ever expect to find in a private school. There were emus, punks, gangsters, Frenchmen, unicorns, mages, people, and other assorted household appliances.

"What. The. Hell?" Kurogane says as he sits down in the nearest seat.

"This place looks fun~!" giggle-talks Fai. (That is how I hear him. He always has this weird voice. If you watch the Tsubasa Abridged Series [which I don't own] you'll get it.) An ostrich promptly walks up to everyone.

"Settle down class! Says the ostrich." Bellows the ostrich.

"Why the hell do you have to announce that you said that?" mutters Kurogane.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. Says the ostrich." The Ostrich rolls its eyes. "I am your homeroom teacher, It. O. Strich." After a moment of pondering the newly dubbed It. O. Strich ('It' being a title like 'Mrs.' Or 'Mr.') added "Said the ostrich."

"Miss! Err… can I call you a miss?" questioned Fai.

"NO! squawked the ostrich. If you MUST slaughter my name, you will call me IT." Growled the teacher. "Commands the ostrich."

"Okay… IT… what is the purpose of this class?" questions Fai.

"To be here. You were here, so now go to your next class. Here's a customized map. Sneers the ostrich."

"Ehrm… okay…" says Fai as he trails off into thought.

~After school~

_I should find Kurogane. Then I can annoy him._ Thinks Fai gleefully. But as he walks in, he hears

'Thud. Crash.' "DAMN!" so the smart solution: investigate. As Fai was Fai, (but was actually not really Fai, but if you read Tsubasa, you would get that.) that happened to be his logic.

"Kuro-nay, did you just fall~?" asks Fai.

"No. I… attacked the ground." Growls Kurogane.

"With your butt?" smirks Fai.

"Yes. I am freaking talented."

"I think you fell." Says Fai sternly.

"Your opinion doesn't matter to me. You're gay." Sneers Kurogane.

_Ouch._ Fai's happy expression falters for a second, but unless you were either a ninja or knew Fai well, you wouldn't notice it. Being in both categories, Kurogane noticed easily. An awkward silence ensued.

"… Okay, I fell." Grunts Kurogane, turning and stalking away.

_Wonder what that was about…_

~Meanwhile!~

It was raining. And it was outside. Brilliant. "It" being Extra-curricular physical education: Kendo. Why the hell Mavis had signed him up for such an easy class befuddled him. And the fact that it was outside was odd, too. Didn't fights that only use wooden swords and protective gear normally happen in controlled environments? Ah, well… But at least he got to think. And attack people. Those being his favorite things to do. _Not necessarily in order…_ he thought as he landed another blow on his opponent. This whole fight seemed a little monotone. Hit. Get blocked. Block, step forward, hit. Not once did he falter in his footsteps. It was like he had done this before. _With all the fights I've been in_ he thought bitterly_ It probably would. Oh, damn. I'm getting all philosophical. Great. Next I'll be eating bon-bons and pub crawling._

~Switch POV~

_Damn. Hit again. Ow. Haha! I block- ow…_ Li's overconfidence was really not working. _Hmmm… I'll have to get serious… I don't want Ri to see any bruises- where'd that come from?_ In his shock, Li faltered and waspromptly knocked to his butt by his opponent.

"Match over. Take off your masks and greet your opponent!" yells the referee. (Note: I really don't know what they do after a match of Kendo… I just know it's a lot alike fencing, and is basically aristocratic, so aristocrat rules are basically in this situation that you have to take off your mask [fencing uses the same rules, too…]. Although you shouldn't have had your mask on until the beginning of the match, but for literacy's sake, let's ignore that.) As Li took his mask off, he noticed that his opponent was Ri. They stared for a little bit then reacted as they should.

"WIMP! YOU SO GOT PWNED!"

"Damn!" and Li proceeded to run away. _Damn… stupid idiot…_

:And so God said, "Let there be 'To be continued'." And there was much pain and pulling of hair, and the cause of homicide. He just shoves it on his old friend, Beelz.:

okay... I'm not anti- religeous... but I had to do something... and that was my "To be continued."


	14. Chapter 14: In which I rant

Authors Ramble: I just have to say, my iPod has a better font (to write with) so now I'll (hopefully) be more productive, as I can now SEE my typing without going "Is that a 'w'... Or an 'f'... Maybe I should get my eyes tested..." the only malfunction is that walls seems to be capitalised randomly in the middle of sentences.  
But anyway, THE SHOW THAT IS REALLY A STORY MUST GO ON!  
Oh, and Fu*k is used multiple times, without censorship, multiple times. Along with mentioning of entrails. If you don't know what entrails are, they are your guts. Or innards. Or intestines. Or whatever-the-hell-you-call-the-slimy-stuff-in-you. Whoever can figure out what the plot is gets a virtual livestock of their choice thrown at them. And who DOESN'T want virtual livestock thrown at them?  
- begin story -

"And... Li, funny short Asian name... Forfeits... Although he just lost. What does that make him? An extreme loser. I guess..." why must the world be so... Hard on Mavis-citizens?

_I'm so embarrassed... Losing to him like that? What the hell, man? Why was I so distracted?_  
Li's thought train was interrupted when he ran into a shirtless man (who I refuse to accept as a Mavis, so he's some crazy shit that Mavis hired as a Sex-ed teacher.).  
"Oh, Bonjour, mon petit cheri! And how is your life in l'amour?" questioned the random dude.  
_The... Hell? WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?_ thought Li._ Great. Next I'll be sitting around with people like MAVIS eating sandwiches- oh, lord, I already DO hang out with crazy shits like Mavis!_

"...I can demonstrate if you want!" finishes the crazy as batshit teacher. As Li had been ranting in his mind, he was unable to figure out what he had been talking about. So he uttered the most intelligent thing he could currently think of.

"Huh?"

"L'amour! My poor, stupid child! L'amour!"  
And with that, the teacher tried to drag Li off. Suddenly, there was a huge clang, and the teacher was on the ground with a lump the size of a frying pan on his head. Behind him was Pirate Mavis, grumbling about the 'damn supreme officer taking my sword (which makes no sense, as Kurogane has his [evil snicker] sword) and being hired like I'm some sort of mercenary.'

"Who?"

"Well, thanks fer askin! My name is-" pirate Mavis who had almost revealed his name was abruptly interrupted by Li.

"No, who hired you to try to kill the sex-ed teacher?"

"Well... Ehrrm... you?" said the pirate, clearly confused. "Never mind. I think my brain is broken, or at least sprained. I thou' ye had a blue eye..."  
_A blue eye?_

"Oh, and the spe- spififik- spekifi- terms... Were that I was to hit or kill anyone to try to hurt you, no' just the sex-ed teacher. I jus' wonder why we even have a sex-ed. Mavis clone, no' reproduce..."  
_Creepy..._ thought Li. _Why is this Mavis still rambling? Is this guy supposed to be like a body guard? Hmm... Whoever hired this... Is it even a guy or a girl? Was raving mad._

"And that's why I can't be a pirate 'ny mo'. Sad, sad, wee little tale..."

"Ehrm... Are you going to follow me around?"

"Great idea, lad! There be smarts left in ya yet! The old fashioned stalking technique. Good, good times..." _I wonder why this guy seems to switch between normal talk and crazy attempted pirate speak..._ Just then, a voice that sounded strangely like Kurogane sounded. Except... It sounded like he had gotten kicked in the balls. Several times.

"What. The. Hell. You would think that a teacher would know better than pour any sort of random potion on a student..." Kurogane stalked down the hall angrily. Except there were noticeable differences. Like... He was noticeably shorter. And had longer hair. And he had boobs. Yes, that definitely was a noticeable difference. A VERY noticeable difference. And he was also wearing a skirt. Li suddenly came to the conclusion that either shape-shifting was one of the classes Kurogane was taking, or he had been turned into a girl. A small part of his mind wondered if his anatomy had been changed as well. This part, he decided, should be executed immediately, as soon as he had the chance.

"Oh Kuro-pie! I think you look fabulous! Now be a good kid and-"

"The FUCK?" yells Li. _Why does this stuff happen to me? Why, God? Did I do something really, really bad in a past life?_

"Kuro-goo turned into a man-girl~!" giggles Fai.

"Fuck off." grunts Kurogane the man-girl.

"Ah, mon chere! You are wasted on these imbeciles! Come with me, and we shall explore the vast depths of amour and-" the sex-ed teacher was cut off by both Kurogane and pirate Mavis hitting him. Kurogane hitting his face with a fist, and pirate Mavis with a frying pan on the back of the head.

"'R we gonna do sumthin' bout this... Thing? Or can I deal wi' 'im?" pirate Mavis suddenly had a strange gleam in his eye. Before Kurogane could suggest decapitating him or worse, Li shoved him off with a 'do whatever you want!'. He really wasn't in the mood to see some guys entrails hanging from the walls. He had just been beaten by himself in a sword-fight. /Stupid clone... Why did I even get cloned anyway?/ Although being a pirate, his entrails probably were gong to be on the Walls. Just not where he could see them. Which was better than seeing entrails all over the Walls. Suddenly there was an explosion, and Ri was standing in the middle of this conversation.

"Hey, are you okay? I totally pwned you, and I wanted to know if your over-blown ego took a hit, too." Ri smirked.

"What the hell? Bastard, nobody gives a damn about you!" yella Li.

"No, actually, nobody gives a damn about Sakura. I mean, nobody asked me what happened to her!" yells Mavis. Everybody stared at her.

"You- you mean you didn't just leave her?" stutters Li.

"No, I killed her and ate her liver. Now she's on a slow lifeboat to China. Why else do you think I've been avoiding public bathrooms? Cheese, people!" and with that, Mavis ran off. There was a shocked silence.

"Aww, that sucks, I was in a pairing with her!" exclaims Fai.

"What?" squeaks Kurogane. His/her brow furrowed, obviously unhappy with his newfound girly voice.

"You know, a pairing? Where two people *bleep* and *bleep* together?" says Fai. Kurogane stares and slowly comes to a realisation.

"You mean-" everyone stared. Was Kurogane a virgin? What was he so shocked about? Everyone was silent. "You're not gay?" he asked. Everyone sighed. _What the hell? What is that about? What the hell? Why? What? Ak!_ and with that, Ri grabbed his wrist and dragged him away.

"You hang out with crazy freaks? Those aren't even freaks, they belong in an insane asylum!" Ri ranted as Li struggled and tried to get away.

"I never said that~!" exclaims Fai as if he was hurt by that comment. Kurogane seemed to be thinking.

"Tag!" he/she yelled as she shoved Fai over and ran for his/her life. As Fai finally processed this, Seto popped in.

"Mavis! How dare you break up a potential rape scene! I wanted Cloney to get all killer on everyone!" she yells. Mavis suddenly appeared holding a deep-fried lump of something.

"But this is only rated T! In America!" she exclaims.

"What? Why are you acting so patriotic?"

"Because! It's Christmas time! In America!" Mavis yells. Alice walks in.

"I propose we start either a 'Kill Mavis for not putting us in our favourite characters classes' club, or a 'Get KuroFai and SyaoSyao together club'!" she yells.

"I vote for the first one!" yells Aero.

"When did you get here?" yells Seto.

"I was hiding in the air vent to annoy Kurogane. I fell out, but nobody noticed. Not even the narrator." she exclaims, striking a ninja pose.

"What? Wait… no, never mind… I don't even…"

- End story-

Oh, and just so you know… I wrote this all on my iPod, except the last couple lines…

Any way… vote! Kill Mavis club, or 'Get kurofai and syaosyao together' club?


End file.
